


Some (Sp)ace

by camichats



Series: Imagine James and Sirius Prompts [78]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Voldemort, Asexual Sirius Black, Getting Together, M/M, Marauders' Era, Mild Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-09
Updated: 2018-11-09
Packaged: 2019-08-21 08:44:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16573361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/camichats/pseuds/camichats
Summary: Sirius is asexual, but he doesn't tell anyone, so James is understandably confused when Sirius turns him down for a date.





	Some (Sp)ace

**Author's Note:**

> For the prompt: "A getting together fic where Sirius is insecure about his asexuality"

The last thing James had been expecting when he asked Sirius on a date, was for his face to light up, then just as quickly turn sad. Sirius averted his eyes and cleared his throat uncomfortably. 

"I don't think that'd be a good idea mate." 

James blinked. "Er, why not?" 

"I just... don't think we're compatible." 

"Not compatible?" James repeated incredulously. "Si, we're best friends, we're the bloody definition of compatible." 

Sirius didn't say anything else, just shifted uncomfortably. 

James's heart sank; he was actually saying no. For all his worrying and nervousness, it had never truly occurred to him that Sirius would turn him down. This was just supposed to be a formality-- a way of introducing snogging and dates into what they were already doing, what with practically living in each other's back pockets and sleeping in the same bed more often than not-- but Sirius was saying no, and James didn't know what to do. "Okay," he said numbly. "I guess I'll just..." he hooked his thumb over his shoulder to say that he was going to leave, and turned around without waiting to see what-- if anything-- Sirius did about that. 

* * *

When it came time for bed, James was worried that Sirius would want to sleep on his own. He didn't bring it up because he didn't want to make a big deal out of it and accidentally make Sirius think that he wanted him to stop, but he worried the entire time he was getting ready for bed. 

All of his fretting was for nothing though, because Sirius crawled through his curtains before the lights were out. James curled around him when Sirius wiggled in the way that always meant he wanted cuddles. 

"I'm sorry," Sirius said after a while, long past the time when Peter and Remus were in bed and turned out the lights. It had been so long that James had actually thought that maybe Sirius had fallen asleep. It didn't need to be explained what he was sorry for. 

"Don't apologise," James said. "It's just... how you feel." 

"No it's not." 

James frowned. "What?" 

"I didn't say no because I don't want to. I mean, Merlin James, you're incredible. Anyone would be lucky to date you." 

"Then why'd you say no?" 

"Because I don't think it'll work out," Sirius admitted, voice small. "I think we'll be together long enough that we think it's fine, and then all of a sudden it's not and we don't know how to go back to just being mates."

"Why wouldn't it work out?" He couldn't speak for Sirius, but he knew how he felt, and there wasn't anything 'not working out' about it. 

"Things don't sometimes," was all Sirius said, but James knew there was more to it than that. He thought about pushing, but that would only make Sirius draw into himself, and that was the last thing he wanted to happen. 

"You're my friend first, and at the end of the day that's what you'll be. I'm not gonna let anything mess that up." 

"You seem pretty certain about that." 

"That's because I am." Frankly, James was a little offended that Sirius doubted him. He said so, making sure to keep his voice light so Sirius knew he was joking. 

Sirius chuckled, putting his hand on James's arm where it was slung over his waist. "Well we can't have that, can we?" 

James's heart skipped a beat. "Is that a yes?" 

"Yes to what? I don't remember you asking me a question," Sirius said, because he was an arsehole. 

"You're such a berk," James muttered. 

Sirius snickered, and that was that; they were dating. 

* * *

The first time James took Sirius's hand, he jumped. James smiled reassuringly at him, and after several minutes, he finally relaxed. 

The first time he kissed his cheek, he flinched. James didn't do it for a while after that, not wanting to scare him again. The second time he did it and it got the same reaction, James asked if he wanted him to stop doing it. Sirius vehemently shook his head and kissed James on the mouth like he had something to prove. 

After a few months of dating, James woke up with a hard on pressed to the curve of Sirius's arse. It wasn't the first time it had happened and it certainly wouldn't be the last, but it was the first time he thought that maybe he could do something about it. He knew that Sirius was awake because of the way he was drawing patterns through the freckles on James's arm, so he drifted down his other hand to rest low on Sirius's abdomen. He went slowly, so that Sirius could stop him if he wanted. He didn't, which James took as a good sign, but he still had to ask before he did anything else. 

"Can I?" 

Sirius swallowed hard. He thought about it, but ending up shaking his head. 

"Okay." James kissed his neck and moved his hand to safer territory. 

They snogged on the couch, and James moved his hand to Sirius's arse, pulling him closer but not making any move to rub off against him. Sirius tensed up anyways. He pulled his hips away to get some space, and James moved his hand up to his back. 

They were kissing all the time now, and every time James took a step to move them forward, Sirius would tense up, or move, or-- in one case-- leave entirely with some bullshit excuse of needing to help Remus with his Charms assignment. James had apologised after that incident, not knowing what he did but being sorry for it all the same. Sirius had just shook his head and said it was fine, so James didn't know what to do to make sure that it didn't happen again. 

"Do you not want to?" James asked after Sirius pulled away yet again. 

"I don't know what you mean," Sirius lied, not looking at James as he pulled back and tucked the duvet around his sides like armor. This was generally the part where James looked at him a minute longer before letting it go and going to sleep. 

He didn't do it this time. "You're lying." 

Sirius froze. 

"Is it a commitment thing? Are you just not ready? Because I don't mind waiting, but I need you to talk to me." 

Sirius didn't say anything. 

"Si..." 

Sirius's shoulders hunched away from James like he was hiding from him. 

"Is it me?" James asked quietly, and Sirius flinched. James couldn't help it; that buggering hurt. He blew out a breath and made to get out of the bed. He'd be back before the night was through, but he needed a little time to process that. Apparently Sirius didn't mind sex, he just minded sex with James, his boyfriend and best friend in the whole world. 

Sirius stopped him from leaving, an iron grip on his wrist. "It's not you," he denied. 

"It sure seems like it." 

"This is why I said no," Sirius said, sounding like he was holding back tears. "I knew this would happen." 

"Knew what would happen?" 

"That you'd figure out I don't care about sex, and we wouldn't be able to get past it." 

"Since when do you not care about sex?" 

"I never have. Merlin and Morgana, James how could I be? I mean have you thought about it? Doesn't the whole thing seem kind of disgusting? It's this weird exchange of fluids, yet everyone's saying that it's the best thing ever." 

James blinked. "I mean I guess. It just feels good. Don't you ever jerk off?" 

"Not really," Sirius said, making a face, then wiping at his eyes when that made tears slip out. "Every once in a while, but it's not like I want to do it more or anything." 

"So... it's not me." 

"No," Sirius said firmly. "You're bloody amazing Jamie, and if I were ever interested in sex, I'm sure I'd want to do it with you." 

"But you don't," James said, trying to make sure he understood. 

"No." 

"Oh." James shrugged, laying back down and putting an arm around Sirius. "Okay." 

"Okay? Just like that?" 

"I thought you didn't trust me, but if it's nothing to do with me, why would I mind?" 

"I don't think I'm ever going to want to do it," Sirius stressed. 

"That's fine." 

"Is it?" 

"I've got my right hand for company, Si, it's fine." 

"If you say so," he said, sounding unconvinced. 

James spent the rest of their lives making sure Sirius knew that it was okay. 

And Sirius finally believed him. 

**Author's Note:**

> This is from a prompt driven blog @[imaginejamesandsirius](https://imaginejamesandsirius.tumblr.com) on tumblr. Feel free to drop by!


End file.
